Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
