Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
