He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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