Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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