what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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