why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
