i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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