then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
