I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am naked and annoyed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
