i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
