You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
