sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
