She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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