What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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