things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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