Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
