Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
