people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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