some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
