Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
