I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
