I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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