On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
