Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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