My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
