Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
