Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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