Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
