All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
