Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
