My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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