he puts the penis in happiness.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
