just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
