I'm going to jail i love you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
