thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
