We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
