the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
