We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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