A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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