Plan B is the new Plan A
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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