I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
