You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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