You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
