I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
