just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
