i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
