AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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