moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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