it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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