she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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